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Longtime Farmers’ Almanac Forecaster Resigns

 
LEWISTON, Maine – Caleb Weatherbee, longtime weather forecaster for Farmers’ Almanac, has announced he is leaving his position with the famous publication, effective immediately.

“I just can’t take it anymore,” said Weatherbee during a press conference earlier today, “Every year, I accurately predict the weather for up to two years in advance, and every year my hard work is repaid with millions of angry people. I’ve had it!”

Weatherbee uses top-secret mathematical and astronomical formula to make his weather predictions. Readers of the Farmers’ Almanac estimate that Weatherbee’s predictions come true about 85 percent of the time.

Weatherbee, who has sought for years to maintain a level of anonymity despite his high-profile job, said his breaking point came this winter, when the “numbingly cold” weather he predicted for much of the country came to pass.

“I got thousands of pieces of hate mail every day! It got so that I had to build a new room on my house just to hold it all,” said Weatherbee, “I couldn’t even go to the grocery store without mobs of angry people pelting me with tomatoes and eggs.”

As if on cue, Weatherbee had to be escorted from the podium under armed guard as several members of the crowd began to bombard the prognosticator with snowballs left over from the last big snowstorm he correctly predicted.

“That’s it! I’m done! I’m headed for Hawaii, where I’ll never have to predict another snowstorm again,” screamed an obviously shaken Weatherbee over the jeers of the angry crowd.

Farmers’ Almanac editor and Philom. Peter Geiger said he is sorry to see Weatherbee go.

“I understand his position, though,” said Geiger, “When you’re right about the weather as often as Caleb is, you’re bound to make some enemies. The Farmers’ Almanac doesn’t create the weather, but people always seem to want to shoot the messenger.”

Though the Farmers’ Almanac reportedly tried to woo the frazzled weather forecaster back with an undisclosed bonus package, Weatherbee refused the offer, stating that he would resume his post “When Death Valley freezes over!”

The Farmers’ Almanac has announced that it has hired Lirpa Sloof, a Norwegian meteorologist who is widely regarded to be the second most accurate long-range forecaster in the world – after Weatherbee – to take over its annual weather predictions.

During this morning’s press conference, Sloof said he looks forward to his new job at the Farmers’ Almanac.

“Predicting weather in the United States will be a dream compared working in Norway,” said Sloof, “You Americans don’t know how good you have it! Back home, we have so much cold weather, I had to live underground in forced hiding to keep all of the angry people away. Oh, and by the way...

April Fool!”